We have all felt anger from time to time.  Why do some people control their anger, and others seem out of control with it?  The catch phrase “anger management” has gained in popularity to describe a number of coping mechanisms that have been developed by professionals.  Below, our domestic violence attorneys take a look at anger and some of the tools we can develop to keep it in check.

People With a “Short Fuse”

Some people seem to be more angry than other people.  Why is that?  When we think about someone with anger issues, we imagine someone yelling, cursing, or throwing things.  Often times though, people internalize their anger and just get pouty or irritable.  It’s possible for folks with anger issues to make themselves ill or withdrawn due to their anger.

Reasons for having problems with anger may be complex.  Some people seem high strung and irritable from a very young age, even from birth.  Others may have never learned to process anger appropriately as a child, and the problem becomes worse as the person develops into adulthood.  Along these lines, your family history plays a big role in your ability to deal with anger.

Venting – Letting the Anger Out

Have you ever heard someone say “I just need to vent”?  Letting your anger have its way is not really a good coping strategy, and can often cause more harm than good.  It’s possible that in the process of letting it all out that you say hurtful things to people you care about, and it’s not always possible to take those things back.  Escalating your anger to a verbal or physical stage does just that… escalates it and gives it validation towards aggression.

Therapy – Learning Coping Strategies

The biggest advantage to therapy is learning to process anger and cope more effectively with it.  Maybe you were never taught some of the skills that can help.  You can’t control what other people say or do… but you can control your response to it.  Learning to recognize anger and to deal with it in a healthy manner will improve your life immensely.

Breathing

Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?  It’s hard to believe that deep breathing can be such an effective tool when it comes to dissipating anger, but it is.  You can combine this with meditation, your “mantra” or cool down word, and calming imagery.  Practice these strategies on a regular basis, and you can call them up when needed.

Self-Talk

When anger starts spinning out of control, bring logic into the situation to help out.  Replace those feelings of paranoia and insecurity with positive self-talk.  Logic will cure your irrational feelings effectively if you let it.  Avoid words like “never” or “always”.  We tend to use words like this to justify our feelings.  While we’re talking about absolutes, don’t let indulge yourself in “I need”, or “I demand”.  We can’t have all things our way.  That’s part of the key to controlling anger.  Stay realistic in your expectations.  It’s okay to want things to go a certain way, but you’re setting yourself up for failure if they MUST be that way.

Keep Yourself Calm

When you are working to improve your anger management techniques, make the goal to keep yourself calm.  Everything else is secondary.  Be gentle with yourself and others.  The tips mentioned in this article are just the beginning of ways you can learn to overcome your problems with anger.  Therapy can help in many ways as you learn about yourself and grow in happiness.

For more information, speak to a domestic violence lawyer today.

By: Douglas Miranda

Los Angeles criminal attorney Douglas Miranda graduated with honors from California State University, Los Angeles, and earned his J.D. from Western State College of Law in Fullerton. Since his admission to practice law in California, he has received special training and certification in forensic science, jury selection, and sex crime defense. Mr. Miranda also helps clients terminate their probations early and expunge their criminal records.

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